Let Us Eat Cake

The following post is written by Jasmine Fullmer, a student majoring in acting at BYU. 

Innnnn...North Orem City, born and raised. On the stage is where I spent most of my days. Chillin out max and relaxin' all cool and going to rehearsals right after school. 

Okay, enough of that. I would describe myself as a jack of a few trades and master of eating. I am currently an acting major and I am passionate about being passionate. Everything I do, I love to do whole heartedly, whether it is performing in a show or devouring a piece of cake. I love people and doing new things and that makes me sound extremely generic, but I mean it. What makes me unique? The fact that I am the only one of "me" there is ever going to be. That's pretty dang unique. Even though that is how everyone is. *sigh*

For me, the most challenging part of being a part of the BYU community is trying not to care. It is this vicious cycle that I go through. I try not to care what others think about me. I try not to care if I do not get asked out on dates. I try not to care that I am not top of my game consistently. I try not to care if I am not as successful as those around me. By doing this, I end up caring about not caring. This leaves me caring even more than I originally cared and it is a pretty stupid situation all around.

The main adversity that I have faced in our campus culture is trying to be perfect and failing. It seems like everyone here is trying to be perfect. And for a good reason! We are all trying to be like the Savior, who was perfect. However, the purpose of this life isn't to be perfect. It is to love everyone around us and do our best to rely on the Atonement in our imperfections (this doesn't mean we get to abuse the repentance process, it just means we are going to need it every day, no matter how hard we try). I think we see others around us who seem to be perfect and we tend to hate them for it because we want it in ourselves. And more often than not, they are feeling just as frustrated and inadequate as us.

Have I ever felt alone or unwanted at BYU? Absolutely. My freshman year was the worst time, but even since then there are moments when I feel completely alone. This is hard in the church because people say, "You are never alone, you have the Savior." While this is true, sometimes you really need someone there physically to ease the loneliness. And I had a hard time finding that here.

I’ll be honest. There have not been many resources that helped me feel welcome and loved. I found it mostly through my major and the relationships and bonds I built there. I had professors that truly cared about my well-being. I was able to make friends with those I was performing with. My roommates were also a large part of helping me out of my “freshman funk” and for that I will always be grateful. I was lucky in my major and roommates to be surrounded by so many fantastic and quality people.

If you are feeling alone or unwelcome at BYU, nothing is wrong with you. This doesn’t make you odd or strange or anything like that. I would say find something that you love and immerse yourself in it. Find people you enjoy being around and have adventures. There will be times you don’t feel like it. Sometimes it is okay to stay home. But try to push yourself as much as you can. Make memories, make friends, and keep trying. It will be hard, but it will be worth it in the end.

"I wish we could all get along like we used to in middle school...I wish we could bake a cake filled with rainbows and smiles and everyone would eat it and be happy..." But seriously, my one wish for the BYU community would be if we could all remember everyone is trying their best to be their best. In the words of the great Hannah Montana, nobody’s perfect. If we could keep this in mind, I think there would be a more positive atmosphere here at BYU. 

Jasmine Fullmer